I make things, ship things, write things, and think about things.
currently trying to jimmy-rig a compression vest using a bandeau and some hooks and eyes. We’ll see how it does.
"Oh my God! What happened to your leg!?"
What I want to say:
"Depressive episodes 4-14. You can’t see the scars from the original trilogy anymore."
"These are my badges. I’m a decorated war hero, wounded in action 19 times and counting."
"This is the physical representation of how much I used to hate myself. Yeah, that’s the past tense, but the past is huge — from yesterday to twelve years ago. My first scars are gone. These will eventually fade too. When they cut so deep as to never leave a scar — just a hole — is when you should be worrying about me."
"Between my anxiety and my depression, it’s a miracle that these are the only things that have clued you in that I’m fucked up."
"It looks shitty now, and it’ll look shitty forever. But a hole in the ground and a pine box is worse."
"These scars are proof that I’m still alive. They are badges of courage, not a source of sympathy. What happened to my leg is what is happening to roughly a billion people at this very moment. Some of them will show their pain outwardly. Most won’t because they’re afraid of reactions like yours just were. Few of them will let their fear become a noose. I won’t."
"I am not broken. Just a little chipped and cracked."
What I actually Say:
" … cat clawed me up."
I’ve been really wanting to go back to church, but I have no clue where to go. I feel very awkward and uncomfortable when I go back to what I used to call my home church. I’ve visited so many different ones and I feel like I’ve ran out of choices.
Have any of you been through this before?
Going back to church after spending a good portion of my life in denial of Christ and the glory of our Father was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
What helped me the most in finding a new church (after discovering I was no longer welcome in the faith I was brought up in) was talking to people. Between friends, other churchgoers, and pastors and church leaders, I was able to find a welcoming, friendly church with a strong leadership team and a set of values I found fit my personal values.
Finding a new church sucks, especially when what we knew isn’t what’s right for us, but you’ll get there eventually. God loves you. He hears your prayers no matter where you are on a Sunday morning. Have faith in Him, in the men and women dedicated to preaching His words, and in yourself. You’ll find a new place of worship soon.
current state of mind
As an American, I am appalled.
As a human being, I am heartbroken.
As a Christian, I am watching the sky and wondering when the trumpet will sound.